#i want to dissect their dynamic under a microscope

[bolithesenate]

local son so incredibly bad at being a Jedi that his High Councilor mother gets blackmailed over it

[sighonaraa]

my colin/moe agenda returns with vengeance from the depths

[uzurimisery]

the space between two bodies. / satosugu x reader / (part 2)

Warnings: MDNI, smut, happy ending, DP, unprotected sex, hints of baby trapping, squirting, praise kink if you squint, still some unhealthy dynamics bc thats what a relationship with the two of them would be, use of ‘girl’, a hint of objectification, no sorcery au, unedited

wc: 9k

part one

Two painfully slow and tense weeks dragged on. Each day you spent doing your best to avoid Suguru, and Satoru who had just come back to town from a shoot. Every time you locked eyes with one of them it felt like the walls were closing in. 

But there are traditions you can’t weasel out of and so, like clockwork, the biweekly get-together your friend groups had for years will happen. Suguru, Satoru, Utahime, Kento, Shoko, and you, sometimes a few extra people or dates, would crowd around a table of some izakaya in between all of you. There’d be too many beer glasses on the table, but another round would be ordered anyway. 

You used to laugh until your sides hurt, sharp cramps from overuse, push the limits of intoxication and your aging body. Couldn’t drink like you were 20 anymore, but you could sure as hell try. 

Simpler back then. 

Being young. 

Things were easier, so less complicated. You were entangled in a web of responsibilities, bills, and regrets that pockmarked your life. 

Shoko slammed her pint glass on the table. “Anyhow have you guys been? Feel like I haven’t seen anymore in 80 years.” Her smile was normally so infectious, the bags under her eyes endearing. Too many late nights and endless shifts at the hospital made them a permanent feature. 

“I’m okay,” you replied too quickly, voice wobbling slightly. 

Suguru’s gaze fell on you immediately. Sharp and heavy, like he was peeling back the lie. His eyes were too much, too painful. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, but he says nothing. Just let the weight of his stare speak for him.

“Just okay?” Now Satoru’s eyes flicked over to you, his normal lighthearted expression gone. 

A specimen under observation. You were under the microscope, both of them dissecting you, searching for answers you weren’t ready to give.

You forced a shrug and a weak, unconvincing, laugh. “Yeah, just okay.” The all too familiar lump formed in your throat again. “Still job hunting, still freeloading off these two in the meantime.” It felt wrong to joke, swallow, and brittle. 

Your shoulder shook, trying to sell it, but Satoru’s eyes couldn’t be fooled. 

“I think the board members at Shibuya General are hiring for an admin. Want me to put in a good word? The HR guy likes me,” Shoko offered. Always trying got be so helpful, so genuine. 

Utahim snorted, smushing her face against her girlfriend’s arm. “That’s because he wants to fuck you.” 

“Not true.” 

“He texts you toomuch for a guy who just wants to be friends.” 

“Well last I knew I’m still a lesbian.”

You cut through the lover’s quarrel. “I thought you were still at the University of Tokyo?” 

“No, I moved to Shibuya General about two months ago.” Her tone was casual but it made you wince. 

“Oh, yeah!” you scramble to try and cover up your blunder. “Sorry, I knew that. I guess the beer’s getting to me more than usual.” The smile you give is half-hearted and forced.

Satoru took the opportunity to turn the conversation towards himself, regaling the group about his latest project. 

You stared at your beer, tuning out the chatter around you. The carbonation inside the class fizzed softly. Each little bubble rose to the surface before popping. They were so small, so insignificant. Guess that’s like society. Insignificant people all clamoring over each other, doing nothing really, but adding to something in the end.

Maybe that's all you were, a little bubble in the sea of society, drifting along with everyone else. The collective group matters, but on the individual level they didn’t. You didn’t. Maybe you never had. Maybe you were just another fleeting presence. Born to fade into the background of someone else’s grander, more important life. 

It’s what you deserved. All that greed in your heart. The quiet pain and dissatisfaction gnawing on your bones every single day. Everything you wanted just fucking unreachable goals, and you wanted it all but everything shimmered and gleamed just out of reach like a mirage. 

Your nails dug deep into the flesh of your palms, cutting the skin. 

Satoru’s laugh rang in your ears, echoing on and on. It hammered in your skull with every chuckle. Mocking you, throwing everything you’ve ever told yourself back in your face. Every lie you’ve told. Every way you’ve wronged him. It grew louder and louder, pressure building in your skull. 

You slammed your hands on the table, glasses knocking into each other, the wood shuddering from the force. Everyone stopped, staring at you as you pushed the chair back. 

“I’m gonna do smoke,” the words are barely audible as you stumble out of your seat and make for the back door, their gazes heavy on your back.

The door slammed shut behind you. Panic clawed at your throat, a bitter acrid taste clinging to your tongue. Your throat felt clogged, the lump growing bigger, chest tightening like a boa constrictor coiling around its prey.  

Hands shaking, you reach into your shoulder bag, fumbling to pull out the half-empty pack of menthol cigarettes. You had quit smoking four years ago but you were back at it now. The icy taste is a fleeting distraction, a brief reprieve from the reality around you. At least they tasted better than the regular filter ones. 

As you sparked up your lighter and took the first drag, the burn seared your throat.  Familiar pain echoing the mess inside you. The smoke circled in your lungs, searing as it went. A cough snuck out before you took another drag, dropping into a crouch. Your weight in your heels as you rest your head against your knees. 

“Why can’t you be normal about things?” you whisper to yourself. 

It was always the same. People, feelings, places, everything-- all you had to do was the right thing and you kept fucking it up.

How many more times could you fuck things up before everyone turns their back on you? How long was the end of the rope you were so desperately clinging to? If you let go, would it end it all? Would the rope wrap around your neck and put you down like the dog you were?

“Get your shit together.” You mutter to yourself, cigarette pulled to your lips, voice hoarse and raw. You took another drag, the smoke stinging your eyes as it hung in the air. 

“You just gotta get through tonight…” 

And then the night after that. 

And after that. 

And all the never-ending nights that came stretching into the horizon. An unbroken chain of sleepless hours testing your resolve to be a person. All of them blurring together in a haze of regret and longing, each passing moment a reminder of everything you were trying to escape.

“So what’s really wrong?” 

It was Shoko, leaning casually against the wall. The shoulder of her cream jacket picked up the dirt of the building. She pulled a cigarette out of her own pack, reds as she always smoked, and lit it. 

“Nothing,” you replied, but your voice cracked, thick with phlegm, and weighed down by self-hatred. Tears threatened to spill as you stared at the ground, unable to meet her eye.

“That’s bullshit, and we both know it,” she shot back, exhaling away from you. The accusation stung, but there was warmth in her tone. 

“I fucked up Shoko. I fucked up.” 

The confession hit heavy. It shattered the glass, broke the dam holding back your emotions. The tears finally fall as you look up at her, vulnerable and afraid.

Concern washed over her face as she crouched down next to you, a silent offer of comfort. “What’d you do?” 

You shook your head, shame squeezing your heart, beating it like a drum. “I can’t tell you or you’ll hate me.”

“Doll face, I could never hate you,” she spoke softly, stubbing her cigarette out against the asphalt, her focus now purely on her. One of her hands, warm compared to the night air, reached out to cup your chin. Gently, she compelled you to meet her eyes, to keep your own on her.

The floodgates being this open felt like you were drawing in your misery. But in Shoko’s eyes, you found no judgment, only empathy and love. It made the deep, aching wounds of solitude and loneliness you bear bleed again, cutting through the scar tissue to stitch them up again so they'd heal properly.

“I slept with Suguru.” it came out as a broken sob, bursting out of your chest, each word cutting like glass against the balms of your hand after punching your mirror. Betrayal, guilt, confusion, and greed all pour out in a single gut-wrenching truth.

Her eyes widened at first, surprised by the admission before they softened.

She didn’t pull away, she stayed close, thumb brushing over your cheek repetitively and soothingly. Shoko didn’t speak for a moment, just let your admission hang in the air, the gears turning in her head.

“You… you slept with Suguru?” She spoke as if she was weighing the words, chewing through them, trying to understand the depth of what had transpired, trying to understand how it had happened.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” you choked out, voice trembling. “It was a mistake. I was angry, I wasn’t thinking, and I just… I fucked up everything.” 

Shoko’s silence said more than words ever could. You could tell she was holding back from asking you a thousand questions. But there was one she had to ask.

“Does Satoru know?” 

You shook your head, the motion barely noticeable. 

“No. I-I don't know how to tell him, or if I should.” you sniffled gaze drifting off “Sometimes I think it’d be better if I just disappeared.”

“Hey,” she moved closer, hand dropping to squeeze your own, trying to anchor you to the present and remind you that you weren’t alone. “You can’t just disappear. I don’t know how, but things will work out okay. And I won’t tell anyone, but you need to tell Satoru, both of you do.” She was firm but her voice had a compassionate edge, trying to gently nudge you to face the reality you were so desperately trying to run from “I think it’ll turn out better than you think. They both love you.”

“Okay.” You whispered, voice barely audible. So small. So fragile.

Shoko smiled like you were a little kid seeking comfort from a scrapped knee “Good.” She wrapped her arms around you tight, making you sob again, tears quickly dampening her shirt.

Shoko held you like this for some time, just letting you cry. Her hand rubbing circles on your back. She didn't rush you, try to stop you from crying. She just held you. 

After what felt like an eternity you had cried all you could cry, eyes puffy now. You felt so drained, so exhausted, but better overall. A bit lighter. The weight of it all is now shared with someone else. 

Shoko finally pulled back, resting on her heels. 

“It’ll be alright. Just gotta take it one step at a time.”

For the first time in forever, it felt like you could breathe a little bit easier.

“I can’t go back there tonight, Shoko, please… can I stay with you?”

“Of course, you can”

It’s easy passing it off as a girls' night when you’ve gone inside to collect her things and Utahime. No one questioned it, though Satoru did raise a brow in suspicion but chose not to comment. At least you’d have this one night to just ignore it all. 

───※ ·❆· ※───

“Sometimes I feel like you create so much space between us,” Satoru speaks from over on your bed. It’s one of his rare days off and he’s taken to hanging out in your room while you applied for jobs. 

Normally him being in here would be comforting, a nice presence to get you through the mundane clog of applications. But it’s not anymore. It just makes you feel guilty. 

You look over at him, long limbs spread out over your duvet. Pausing your typing you speak for the first time in 30 minutes. “What do you mean?”

He sighs, rolling over and propping himself up on his elbows to meet your eyes. “You create space between us. Randomly. Put up a barrier and keep me out, like you're purposefully hiding from me.”

Your eyes dart back to the screen. 

“It’s not intentional,” you murmur. “I just… there’s a lot on my mind.” 

“I get that, but you can talk to me about it. I’m always here for you.” 

Hiding things from him was the worst. 

“I… there’s just some stuff-” 

Satoru pats the bed next to him, sitting up crisscross.  “Sit and talk.”

You hesitate for a moment, the decision swinging in the air like a pendulum, before you stand and go to sit next to him. There’s an attempt to take a deep breath before you start, to remember everything Shoko had said. 

“I need to keep you something, and I don’t know if it’ll change how you think about me.”

His warm, soft hands reach out to hold your own. Countless manicures kept them baby-smooth.

“Whatever it is I’m here.”

You looked down at your entwined fingers, the guilt rattling around you once again. “Suguru and I had sex.” his grip tightened “Not full on, but oral. It-it was a mistake and I’m sorry. I understand if you want to kick me out. I’ll leave, and you never have to see me again. I just couldn’t keep pretending like things were fine and I know now you probably hate me and want me gone. But I just--”

You were cut off by his lips crashing against yours. His lips followed yours as you tried to pull away confused. Satoru’s kiss was urgent, needy, and oppressive almost as if he kept you in tow. He grabs your waist, fingering and digging into the fat, squeezing so tightly. It felt like he was anchoring himself to you, refusing to let you do. Blindingly white teeth bit down into your bottom lip, begging you to let him in. 

You could never say no to him, you were always so weak to his charm. So you let him in. 

His tongue was warm and wet in your mouth as he brushed it over yours. You respond in turn, letting him decide the kiss. Sartoru’s free hand untangles from your own and goes to the back of your neck, half in your hair. He tilts your head back, leaning forward on his knees to deepen the kiss. The hand on your waist somehow squeezed tighter, thumb rubbing against the ribbed fabric of your tank top. 

When he pulled away, a small strand of spit connecting the two of you, his eyes were wild with fear and possession. 

“Don’t,” his eyes searched yours with an intensity you had never seen before. “Don’t say you’ll leave, don’t ever say that again.” 

You were panting, confused, failing to understand what just happened. “I’m sorry?” It's whispers as you catch your breath. “I just thought you’d want me gone.”

He tilts your head to the side and kisses the length of your neck. “You don’t get to leave me.” The words as muffled as he places a kiss between each one. 

Satoru bristles and pushes you back into the bed. Climbing on top of you, he cages you under him and pins your wrists together in his hand above your head. His eyes a wild, pupils fully blown out and it scared you.  He’s crying now. One of the tears hit your face and he wipes it off, so gently and sweet, with his free hand before collapsing on top of you. 

His body wraps around your own, his face tucked into your neck. He’s shaking slightly. As if the thought of losing you really brought him to this point. That you actually leaving would break him. 

You wiggle your hands free and hug him, rubbing up and down his back as you do. 

Notoriously, Satoru was not good with people he cared about leaving. Be it for work trips or temporarily, he didn’t do well with people not being accessible to him. He was filled with a desperate need to keep the people he cared about exactly where he wanted them. It was to the point he’d forsake his own well-being, his own feelings, for the sake of it. 

You feel the vibrations against your skin before you can process what he said. 

“I can’t lose you.” 

“Satoru,” you try to pull away but his grip is too tight. “I slept with your fiance and you want me to stay?” 

He nods, hair tickling your chin. “It’s okay if it's you.” 

“You can’t just be fine with that doe the sake of keeping me around. What about your relationship?” 

When he finally pulls out of your neck, his eyes still hold that same intensity. “Sleep with me too.” He hovers over you, noses nearly touching. 

“I can't just-”

“Do you think he didn’t tell me?” he bends down and kisses you again. “We reached an agreement a long time ago. So fuck him, fuck me, fuck both of us I don’t care. What will it take to keep you here? I’ll give you anything, everything you want.” 

“Satoru-”

“Don’t try and tell me it’s not okay. You’re not leaving. The three of us, Suguru, you, and me, we stay together. We’re better together.” He shouts the first word and you wince. 

“You’re scaring me.” 

That snaps him out of it. 

He clamors off of you, leaping across the room. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he rushes back over as you sit up collapsing on his knees in front of the bed his head resting on your thighs. “Don’t leave please I’m sorry.” 

“Satoru calm down—“

He rambles into the skin of your thighs, hands grabbing your own. “It’s okay, he told me the night it happened. I wasn’t mad, I’m not mad. I was a little jealous but because I wasn’t there too. I told him that we needed to talk to you about it first but he told me we needed to wait because you weren’t doing well and then he goes and does this.”

“Satoru,” you’re stern with him now. “Calm down.”

Satoru was an anxious individual under all the bravado. It’s been years since he had a moment like this. Normally the medication he’s on prevented it from getting it this point.

It took a few minutes, you pulled him onto the bed with you and made him lie down before he was calm enough to talk again.  He’s lying on his side, mirroring you, his feet dangling off the bed.

“One day I realized I understood why he felt that way towards you and that day I started feeling the same.”

“Are you saying you’re in love with me too?”

He nodded

“Since when?”

“I can’t pinpoint when. There was the trip to Vietnam. It was raining, but you didn’t care though. You ran out from the umbrella and danced around, jumping, and smiling. It had been the first time in what felt like ever that I had seen you so carefree and happy that I ran out after you. I think that that's when things really started to change for me, start to blur the lines between romantic and platonic. But I knew for certain when Haruki cheated on you I was already in love with you by then. I was so mad. At him for doing that to you, and at myself for thinking how much better I could treat you.”

He reaches out and strokes the face of your face.

“Suguru and I used to argue about this when we both realized how we felt towards you as individuals and then as a couple. He was against saying anything. Leaving things just the way they were. No point in trying to fix what isn’t broken and risk our relationship. I had always thought it’d be me that cracked first. Tell you all the grimy little details of how sickly in love with you I am. It was like a bet with myself, not telling you, especially when we were both sure you felt the same way. Neither one of us wanted to pressure you into anything thought, especially because you live with us.”

“Jesus,” you looked up, LEDs blinding as you blinked back tears “So that's what he meant when he said you wouldn’t mind.” 

“It’s our fault,” He pulled you towards him, your face resting against his chest “We should have told you about this before. I’m sorry.” He kisses the top of your head, voice thick with emotion as he starts crying with you. 

The two of you were always in sync like that. If one of you cried the other was right behind. It’s why Suguru hated watching romcoms with the both of you. At the end of the Notebook, you both had worked yourselves up so much that the two of you fell asleep on the couch cuddled up together.

A choked sob wracked your body “I’m sorry. I love you too, and I love Suguru.” The words were more of a whine as you cried “I’m sorry for being greedy.”

Satoru’s own tears picked up in time with yours “You’re not greedy.” his voice trembling “If you’re greedy I’m greedy.”

You clung to him, feeling warm in his embrace. Feeling almost whole again “I just don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m such a mess.” You were quiet as you spoke, the fear that's been eating you up slipping out. 

You were so scared of fucking things up between all of you more than you had already fucked it up. Everything you touched felt like you broke and you didn't want to break them too. They were so pristine and perfect without you there. Maybe you’d only ruin things, stain them, muttle them unrecognizable. You could have ruined things for them already. 

He held you tighter as if he was trying to blend the two of you together.

“I’m so scared of ruining everything and losing you both.” you sob out.

Satoru gently shifted the two of you so he could place a chaste kiss against your lips.

“You could never ruin anything.” his breath was warm against your skin.

“I feel like I have.” 

“You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. If there want anything ruined by you, it was meant to be broken. Jsu because somethings broken doesn’t mean it doesn’t have beauty, or value, or isn’t deserving of love.”

This time you took the initiative and kissed him again, his lips soft against yours. It was tender, filled with all the love that was between the two of you. Quiet. Peaceful. Serene. 

───※ ·❆· ※───

Since Suguru was still out at the office, dealing with a client, Satoru and you took to making dinner for the three of you. A simple katsu curry and rice with some vegetables. It’s simple, not overly complex, but it feels routine to make. Nothing too deviant. As you were cooking, Satoru and you intermittently cried and stole kisses. Gentle touches on the arms arm or side, nothing that hadn’t happened between the two of you before. Satoru had always been touchy but now they carried so much more weight. So much more meaning, each passing brush of his fingers against the expanse of your skin singing praises. 

You sliced the vegetables carefully, occasionally glancing at Satoru as he worked on the curry. His hands stirred the sauce with practiced ease. It was always surprising to learn he was the one who did the majority of the cooking as he was a picky eater. You could almost be offended that he looks so beautiful stirring sauce.

Every so often he’d pause, look at you, and give a small reassuring smile. It made you feel lighter. As if he was telling you everything was going to be okay. 

You sidled up next to him to sauté the vegetables and Satoru turned the heat for curry to low, letting it shimmer. He comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, and rests his chin on your shoulder. His arms make you feel secure and stable. 

“This just feels right,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss against your cheek, urging you to lean back in his embrace. You do so willingly, letting yourself sink into the warmth and comfort he offered. 

“It does,” you agreed. He was right. 

It felt like coming home after a long shift, feet aching and joints creaking and climbing into a warm bath that soothes your aches and pains. Like the sudden realization of happiness, that everything was going to be okay. Like driving down the road in the summer, the windows down as the sun starts to set, music blaring on the radio, and everyone singing along. There was no awkward moment of overthinking how things were or would be, but just living in the moment and accepting things as they came to you overthinking and drowning in your thoughts. 

You could sit here and stress about what you’ve done, why you’ve done it, and how that would change the future. Spiral into a mess of anxiety and regret. Or you could live in the moment.

Let go of the need for control that you so desperately craved, and ran after. And just let yourself float. Let yourself be cared for this time.

Wrapped up in Satoru, with him placing soft kisses on your neck, neither of you noticed the door quietly closing. You didn’t hear Sugur slide off his shoes, exchanging them for house slippers, or as he padded into the kitchen. He stood there, watching on for a moment. Seeing how entangled the two of you were, the way you filled How Satoru placed small kisses to your neck that made you giggle. How the two of you blended together.

You had always brought out the best in Satoru, parts of him that would go head to head with Suguru’s own stubborn nature. Always bring out the best in him too.

“What happened while I was at work today?” his voice made you jump, breaking through the moment, and making you drop the spatula from your hand. It clattered against the counter.

“Hey Suguru,” your voice was soft, warm as if the sound of it could pull him into the comfort as well. 

Satoru let go of your waist and turned to face Suguru, smiling widely as he saw him. “Welcome home.”

There’s something in Satoru’s casual nature, how he said it like nothing changed between you all. 

The three of you stood there for a long moment, still, silent. Painful longing, the desire to have always had things be so straightforward between the three of you. You felt frozen, unsure how to act, unsure what he was feeling. The curry simmering on the stove was the only noise in the room. 

And then, Suguru’s face crumpled, and tears began to spill from his eyes. Satoru rushed to his side first, with you not far behind him, wrapping his arms around him. 

Suguru’s shoulders shook with the force of his sobs as the two of you wrapped around him, sandwiching him in the space between your bodies. You were only a step behind, your own arms reaching around him. 

“We’re here Suguru,” Satoru expressed “We’re right here.”

Suguru buried his face in Satoru’s shoulder, his hand clutching the front of your shirt as if he was afraid to let go.

“I was so scared” he choked out between sobs. “Fuck, I was so scared.”

You gently stroke Suguru’s back, your own tears wetting his shirt, your cheek pressed to his shoulder “I’m sorry.” The apology felt like too little, both right and wrong. 

“I thought I was going to lose you both.” his voice cracks on the confession. 

“You’re not going to lose us,” Satoru reassures him, kissing his forehead. “ We’re not going anywhere.”

The three of you stayed like that for a moment, all wrapped in each other’s arms. Letting the emotions, the tension, and the resolution wash over. Eventually, the tears started to subside and the three of you agreed to talk after eating and somehow things felt normal again. You all fall into the rhythm you’ve followed for years. Suguru talks about his projects while Satoru talks about an upcoming campaign. 

They’re still as careful as they’d normally be when it comes to talking about your affairs. But they pushed more to know how your art was going. Since you’ve been unemployed it's been something you’ve been working more on.

It should be strange, you thought, that there is no overwhelming pressure between the three of you. If anything this is the lightest your friendships have felt in years. Maybe things really were always meant to work out this way. Shoko used to say the only person who could stand to be with the two of them, even platonically for long stretches, was yourself. That you just seamlessly fit them. 

“I just… I don’t want to feel like a secondary attachment to the both of you.” you’re holding a mug filled with hot green tea, watching the steam rise from it. Dinner’s long since been finished but you’re all still around the table. 

Satoru doesn’t hesitate. “Why would you be one? You’ve never been one before.” His voice is as casual as ever, but there’s a firm undercurrent. As if his word is law. 

Before you can protest, Suguru chimes in. “He’s right. It’s always been the three of us.” 

“I feel like one.” you shift in your seat awkwardly, insecurities prickling your skin. 

“The person who could be between us is you.” Suguru doesn’t miss a beat. There’s no room for doubt with the way he says it. It’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

You let out a small, nervous laugh. “I don’t want to fuck this up. You guys have been together for years… you’re literally engaged.” 

Satoru delicately grabs your hand, the engagement ring cool against your skin. “There’s no fucking this up.” He looks to Suguru to add on. 

“I’m more worried I’ll fuck it up given my track record so far.” Self-deprecation laces his tone, but there’s sincerity there too. “But we’ll figure it out. Take it slow.” 

You smile a little at that. The nerves won't go away anytime soon, they churn in your stomach. Hearing both of them say it, both of them so willing to figure out the absolute mess you’ve found yourselves in together, made it a bit easier to breathe. 

“Sure. That sounds good.”

───※ ·❆· ※───

A month passes by. Leaves change, and the winds get colder, but you’re filled with a warm sappy feeling. Like syrup in your veins it runs thick and sticky. But at the same time, it’s as if nothing changes. There’s no dramatic queue that signals you all to change your actions. Yet somehow, somewhere, things snap into place violently. Colliding with each other like asteroids, you wake up and feel it in your bones. 

It feels like either man’s lips were destined to crash into the mantle of your skin every minute of the day. 

Both were so hesitant at the start, afraid to scare you off like wild fauna. Afraid to delve into too deep of waters too early into something so fragile. They treated it like Tiffany blow glass. You were held so tightly by them. Seen so wholly. 

Satoru had been the most overt with his physical affection. It was easy for him to pull you into his lap while you watched TV, his solid chest behind you. He tucked you into the nooks and crannies of his body, affection spilling out of him both verbal and nonverbal.

But it had really been Suguru who changed the most. 

Tender love in his every action, every press of his skin against yours. A guiding hand on your lower back. Adjusting your shirts and sweaters. Standing on your left when you were standing for a long period, remembering your previous knee injury, so you could lean on him. 

Both of them soothed you in ways you didn’t know you needed soothing before. Neither one moved in particularly new ways, sans the making out and heavy petting, but not you could recognize the true driving emotion behind them. 

It wasn’t Satoru bringing your coffee order in the morning because he was on that side of town for a meeting with a client. His client was on the other side of town, but he had seen you frown at something so minor, so miniscule, that morning he trekked across Tokyo to go to your favorite place. 

To be loved is to be known, but to be known so loudly, so intimately, made you feel vulnerable in a way. But there is certainty in it too. That this was the way things were always meant to be between the three of you but by circumstance, it only happened now. 

So you found yourself in Satoru’s lap again, some cheesy early 2000s romcom on the TV in their bedroom. You had taken to watching movies in there due to their super king bed giving you room to spread out that the couch couldn’t. Sugaru was next to the both of you, arm around Satoru’s shoulder. He’s got some braids in between his fingers spinning it round his flesh. 

None of you have anything on the agenda tomorrow, other than meeting up with your group of friends in the early evening. 

Satoru has slumped over as the movies went on, his chest pressed against your back. Hot breath hits your neck every time he exhales, sending a constant chill down your spine. You’re not even sure what the last 20 minutes of the movie have been about, too distracted by the growing warmth in your core. 

You shift as Satoru exhales again when you feel it. He’s incredibly hard right now. His erection slides against the swell of your ass. 

The three of you haven’t been intimate, something you insisted on, and now a month’s worth of pent-up sexual need has come back into full focus. 

Satoru drops his head. Nose pressed against the skin of your neck, he wraps his around around your waist. One of his hands sits splayed on your ribcage, right under your breast. You’ve never been more aware of your lack of a bra at home than now.  His thumb moves and you stiffen. 

He pauses for a millisecond before kissing your neck. The heat pooling in your stomach grows hotter. You’re so on edge that when he bites into your skin, the moan you let out startles you, your head falling to the side. Suguru catches your gaze, his eyes low, heavy with desire. There’s a rush of adrenaline that courses through you, no doubt dissimilar to what a prey animal feels when it's hunted.

Satoru’s teeth graze your skin, leaving a trail of darkening marks as he went. His hands move up to your breasts. He’s gentle, at first, squeezing them, testing the weight in his palms, before he pinches at your nipples. Gasping, your hips jut forward as if to grind against something. 

Suguru stalks over, sliding over the bed, to sit right in front of the both of you. He looks down at your shirt, a large oversized graphic t-shirt that once belonged to him. Sees how the fabric bunches around his finger. 

His eyes dart back up to yours, an eyebrow raised. “May I?” he questions about removing your shit. 

You nod, leaning back further against Satoru as Suguru slides your shirt off. Satoru’s hands pulled away for him to do so, but once your shirt was removed they were right back on your chest, tweaking your nipples again. Suguru leans back and just watches. 

One of Satoru’s hands leaves your chest and moves down to your thighs. They roam over the fat of them. You lift your hips and he pulls at your shorts, unable to get them off with just one hand. Luckily Suguru is there to help, and they get them off. The cheeky cut panties you've been wearing feel nonexistent as he brushes your clit through them. 

“Fuck,” Satoru groans, grinding his hips against your ass, “you’re so perfect.” 

The praise goes straight to your head. 

He lifts his head out of your neck to look at Suguru. “Aren’t they perfect?” 

“You should see how they taste.” Suguru purrs, palming himself through his sweat. 

Satoru nips your neck again. “What do ya say, sweetheart? Can I eat you out?” 

“Oh god, yes,” you’re practically melting into his arms now, limp and pliable. 

The two of them move you around and get you on your back in the center of the bed. They treat you like you’re a porcelain doll. Theirs to play with but gently. Satoru tugs at your panties, pulling them off of you in one clean go. Suguru places a hand on your knee, coaxing your legs open. 

Satoru draws a short breath, seeing you fully exposed, and moans. 

“Can’t believe you’ve had this the whole time and never shared with me.” He bends down, parts your lips with two fingers, a licks a long stripe up your core. His eyes flutter closed as he does. “Perfect fucking pussy.” 

Satoru doesn’t eat pussy, he devours it. 

Consumes you like it's the first meal he’s had after a month of starvation. Like you’re the finest delicacy he’s ever had. Something meant to be tasted fully and savored. It makes you dizzy with how much earnest desire, and love, are in his every movement. Every swipe of his tongue against your clit an ‘I love you.’ 

The pleasure gets to your head quick. Being this loved makes your skin flush and thoughts muddy. You reach out the hold Suguru’s hand. His fingers entangle with yours for a brief moment before he lets go and touches your jaw. 

He taps your cheek. “Open.”

You open your mouth and his fingers push into it. He pinches your tongue between his fingers, pulling it out. The pink muscle is pliant under his touch, following his guidance religiously. “Fucking Christ you’re perfect.” He slides his fingers back into your mouth. “Suck.” 

Following a command has never come easier. You suck on his fingers like they're a lollipop, rolling them between your tongue. He pushes them further down, nearly to the back of your throat. It almost makes you gag but you force yourself not to. 

At the same time, Satoru picks up speed. His tongue flicking your clit back and forth rapidly. He eases a finger inside you, crooking it up as he pumps in and out. Shockwaves of pure ecstasy go out across your whole nervous system. Right before you cum Satoru pulls away, taking you right off the edge. 

“Why?” you whine, panting. It’s muffled from Suguru’s fingers in your mouth. There’s a haze in your eyes. 

“I want to try something,” He scoots to the side. “Suguru come here.” Satoru gestures towards you splayed out pussy.

Suguru removed his fingers and shuffled down to match Satoru’s posture. “You dirty dog.” 

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking of it.” 

“You know me well,” Suguru laughs, kissing Satoru softly.

You’re about to ask what they are talking about before both of them lower their heads and make contact. Both of them are eating you out, tongues working in tandem. You aren’t sure if they're making out with each other or your pussy.

“Oh god,” you choke out. 

Satoru moans loudly, the vibration overwhelming, his tongue meeting Suguru’s over your clit. They battle for dominance, bumping and nudging your clit as they do.

Suguru pulls away for a brief moment, climbing over Satoru to reach into the nightstand and pull out a bottle of lube. He moves so quickly, flipping the cap open, and squeezing some out onto his fingers. Once he’s satisfied with the amount, he goes back to the messy make-out session on your clit. But this time you feel him toy with the opening of your asshole as Satoru inserts his fingers back into your pussy.

The combination of both of their mouths and fingers makes you cum. Your body goes limp but they don't stop. Suguru pulls back from your pussy, inserting another finger into your asshole, stretching it open. 

Satoru hungrily takes over your clit, sucking it harshly. The overstimulation is too much, too little time between your first orgasm, too much pressure as Satoru presses down on your lower abdomen that before you can even recoup you’re cumming again. This time squirting over the both of them, liquid gushing out of you, with a pathetic whine. 

Satoru pulls back from your pussy, face glistening. “Didn’t know you could do that.”

Both of them stare at you with wicked grins. 

“Stop,” you shyly try and cover your face with your arms. “Don’t stare at me like that.” 

Suguru thrusts his fingers in your asshole again. “You make it hard not to stare. Don’t they.” 

Satoru’s gaze is heavy on you. He’s always had such an intense stare but it makes you squirm so much more now in your naked state. It piercing. He licks his lips before speaking. “I feel like we should lock you away so no one else can ever look at you.”

“Be normal and say I love you.” Suguru nudges him with his shoulder. 

“I love you, oh god I fucking love you.” Satoru kisses your inner thigh. “I love you so much. Please let us fuck you? Please?”

“I love you too.” 

He bites down hard enough there’s sure to be a mark there tomorrow. “Don’t make me wear a condom, please? I’m clean, he’s clean.” 

“Satoru I’m not on birth control.” 

Where you thought it’d heed caution from him, it only serves to amp him up. He moves down and kisses your clit. “If you get pregnant I’ll take care of you, please. I want to feel all of you.”

Suguru smacks the back of his head. “Don’t you mean we’ll take care of them?” He pulled him back by his hair. “Stop pressuring them.” 

You giggle a bit at that. “It’s a safe day so just… pull out?” 

The offer makes Satoru lunge forward and lift you up. He lays down on his back under you, your legs spread around his middle, his feet on the ground. His public area is clear and recently waxed, so you just meet skin, and erection standing straight up in front of you. It gently smacks against your stomach as you settle into position. 

There’s never been a doubt in your mind that Satoru was strong. You’ve seen him shirtless so many times, you know the panes of his muscles by heart. But it's a different thing to feel that strength. 

Satoru moves you like there is no weight to you. He lifts your hips up, positioning your core just over his erection. It’s Suguru who reaches between you two to properly align your hole with his cock. The way they already work as a team when it came to fucking you should scare you. You know how they are. The next time the three of you fuck, there’s no telling what they’ll do. 

Satoru lowers you down on his length. You’re so loose and wet from coming twice in short succession that you’re able to fit his entire length with no discomfort in one smooth, fluid motion. He’s girthy regardless, so when he pulls you up and drops you down again, it feels like your breath gets squeezed out of your lungs. 

“Oh my god,” you fall forward on his chest as he does it again. 

Satoru raises your hips, holding you above himself, and gives a few slow, experimental thrusts up into you. His mouth meets yours in a messy kiss as you jostle with each thrust. 

Suguru sidles up behind the two of you, more lube on his fingers. He circles the rim of your asshole, dipping them in and scissoring it. “You gonna let me fuck you too? Or do you want me to wait my turn?” 

You are, by nature, incredibly greedy when it comes to them. How could you not be? 

Looking over your shoulder, you speak. “Please. I want to feel you both.”

“So fucking sexy,” Suguru groans, pulling his fingers out and lining up his cock. “Can’t believe we let you date that loser. Should have been here between us the whole time.” 

Sure, you’d have fingers in your asshole before, but Suguru’s dick was longer and thicker. The whine is instinctive as he stretches you open. Once he’s fully inside and gives a gentle thrust, it’s then you realize that you can feel them almost rubbing against each other. 

Oh. 

You could never go back now. 

It feels so good. 

You’re close to cumming again and they’ve barely done anything other than interest themselves inside you.

Suguru’s hands grab hold of your hips, holding you still, switching places with Satoru who holds your face. His white hairs is stuck to his forehead with sweat as beams up at you. “Tell me you’re sorry for dating Haruki.”

“I’m sorry.” You try to move your hips, to gain any sort of friction but Suguru holds you still. 

“Tell me you’re never going to leave us.” 

You try to move again. Any movement is again stopped by Suguru who in turn smacks your ass. 

“Listen to him.” 

Satoru squeezes your cheeks. “Promise me. Promise me and we’ll fuck you until you pass out, okay?” 

“I promise, I’ll never leave you.” 

“That’s my girl.” 

It must have been something they discussed before because the moment Satoru gives the go-ahead, they set a pace so clearly set on breaking you apart and building you back up in the shape of them. 

Both of them give full, long strokes. They move like a well-oiled machine, fucking you like they were designed to do so. Suguru circles an arm around your waist and lifts your back to be flush against his chest, one of your breasts in his hand. He bites and sucks on your neck while playing with your nipples. 

They fill you to the fucking brim. It’s nearly indescribable, the electric sensation coursing through your body.  The feeling is almost like a live current running through you that short-circuits your brain. Perhaps if you were more cognisant of it you’d be embarrassed of the noises you were making. All breathe whimpers and moans filling the room with the sinful slap of flesh. 

With his hands-free, Satoru begins circling your clit with his thumb. The orgasm that has been steadily building growing closer and closer.

“Can feel you getting tighter,” Suguru growls in your ear. “You like it, huh? Like having us both inside you.” 

Be it his possessive tone or words, it makes you tighten up even more.

Satoru picks up his pace toying with your clit. “You like it when he talks to you like that don’t you gorgeous.” 

Your pussy flutters at the praise. 

“You feel that Suguru?” 

“Yeah, I did.” 

“You’re close aren’t you?” 

It’s on the repetition of the question that you realize it is directed towards you. 

Satoru pulls you down towards him, your chests pressed tightly together. Suguru takes advantage of the new angle, propping a foot up on the bed to fuck you even deeper. Your eyelids flutter closed and you whine into Satoru. 

“I’m gonna cum.” you barely mutter. 

“Cum for us.” 

There’s an uncertainty about which one of them said it. Perhaps it was both of them, you aren’t certain as you clamp down on them, body stiff, and cum like you’ve never cum before. They don’t cease their movements, fucking you through it, moving in perfect synch. Your whole body shakes, heat flashing through your veins. The world starts spinning twice as fast.

“That’s it. You’re so pretty with that fucked out look on your face.” Satoru starts.

Suguru snaps his hips forward, sliding you against Satoru while he speaks. “Knew you’d let us fuck you like this.” 

“Should use a vibrator next time. I want to see ‘em cum even more.” 

“We can’t break ‘em Satoru. Don’t you know how to take care of your toys?” 

“You’re so rude. They can hear you, can’t you baby?”

You can’t even hold your head up, so Satoru does it for you. Holding your head steady as it nearly lulls to the side. 

“You can hear him can’t you baby?” 

Your tongue feels like lead, it’s a struggle to speak. “I’m not- oh fuck - I’m not a toy.” 

They keep fucking you, spreading you open further. Everything goes fuzzy around the edges in your blissed-out state. Every brush of their hands on your skin makes another ripple of your orgasm pass. You lose sight of where they end and you begin. Satoru gently lets your cheek rest on his chest. 

“Bet your throat feels just as good.” Satoru kisses the top of your head

.

“He should try your asshole next.”  

“I don’t know Suguru, this pussy,” Satoru’s breath is labored. “Feels fucking amazing.”

“Next round we switch.”

Satoru grabs your face again. “He’s never fucked a pussy before. You’re gonna make it so he never wants to fuck another one, aren’t you?” His brow draws knitted. “Clamping down on me like that. I love you so much.”

He kisses you again, whining into it. His thrusts grow sloppy and uncoordinated. 

You pull back from the kiss, slightly more coherent. “Cum inside me please, I need to feel it.”

Satoru groans and increases his thrusts. “You’re killing me baby.”

 He gives four more before hot spend fills you up. You can feel him pulsing inside you. He cums for what feels like a minute, spurts of cum spilling out of you before he pulls out and smears it all over your pussy. 

With Satoru no longer inside you Suguru lifts you up to fuck you doggy style, your face nearly shoved in Sayorufs crotch. “Clean him up.”

Suguru starts a punishing pace, stretching your asshole further. His balls slap against your sensitive clit. You’re at a point where you don’t think you can cum anymore, but there’s whispers of an orgasm. You chose not to focus on that and instead on Satoru. 

For being your best friend only a month ago, there’s no hesitation in these more than platonic actions he takes now. He taps his half-hard dick against your cheek, spreading cum over your cheek and lips. You open your mouth, and yak kitten licks at his length. His spend is salty on your tongue. 

Suguru groans from behind you, gripping your hips tighter as he chases his own high. It doesn’t take much more for him to cum as well with nearly a growl. He hunches over you, extenuating the curve of your spine before he pulls out. 

There’s the telltale feeling of some of his cum leaking out your asshole and dribbling down your pussy. Suguru scoops a mix of his and Satoru’s cum up and pushes it inside you. He makes sure to hit your G-spot as he does. 

Exhaustion settles in your every fiber of being. Never have you been fucked so thoroughly. Made to feel so good. 

Yawning, you try and stand up off the bed to go pee, but your knees buckle under you. You would have hit the cool hardwood flooring if it wasn’t for both men reaching out to grab you. 

“My legs feel like jelly.” 

Suguru smiles, feline as ever. “Can’t have you getting hurt after only round one.” 

You straighten up. “Round one?” 

“Don’t tell me you thought it’d end there?” Satoru chuckles.

───※ ·❆· ※───

The wood stood you normally perched on hurt like a bitch. Your entire lower half was sore and the lack of cushioning really was not helping. Satoru and Suguru had made good on their promise to fuck you until you passed out. They were “making up for lost time” if you asked them. But if someone asked you, your answer would be they were just freaks. Not that you minded. Clearly not given the array of marks over your neck, chest, and thighs all covered up by a turtle neck and long pants. Satoru really was a biter. 

“I’m glad you made it this time Kento.” Utahime giggles, already tipsy from the one beer she's had. She’s leaning on Shoko’s arm, clinging around it. 

Nanami is sat up straight across from her, politely sipping his beer. “Yes. My apologies for missing the last one. Tax season has me rather busy.” 

Shoko laughs. “Don’t bullshit us, you just can't stand getting with us more than once every two months.” 

He sighs. “Surprisingly I do actually enjoy your company. Even if you do annoy me.” 

“Whoa! Kento don’t get soft on us.” Satoru claps him on the back. “Next think you know you’re going to tell us about your love life.” 

“There is hardly anything happening in that department.” He eyes you, Suguru, and Satoru. “But I see that some of us have had some changes. When did the three of you get together?” 

“WHAT?!” Utahime’s scream is shrill and she points a finger at you and the boys. “You guys are all fucking? I thought you guys were just all best friends” 

Shoko shushes her, kissing the top of her head.  “Baby, c’mon you didn’t realize the sexual tension oozing out of the tree of them the last time we saw them?” 

“No,” she whines, bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “No one tells me anything.” 

©️ uzuzrimisery

do not copy, edit, translate, or repost my work on any platform

[thealogie]

what are your favourite doctor/companion duos? idk if you've said this already but i'm curious, especially with 15/ruby properly in the show now :)

It really changes (though my top 4 remains the same) but here it is currently on the fly.

1. Ten/Martha: I will always go to war for them. I think they’re the most fascinating duo. I want to study them under a microscope

2. Twelve/Clara: They’re like ten/rose but for toxic and insane people

3. Ten/nine/rose: self-explanatory I mean hate them all you want but arguably the doctor losing rose is the inciting event and thesis statement for the rest of the show. I simply cannot distinguish between ten and nine here this is one complete arc and still the best told companion arc start to finish. Only reason they are three is because the two above have something so wrong with them I want to study it

4. Ten/donna: I can’t believe I’m putting them four because arguably their chemistry is the best of the whole show but I don’t find them as fascinating to dissect as those above

5. Fifteen/ruby: the only reason they’re in five is that they’re not done cooking yet. Individually they’re in my top 5 but my one criticism of this season is we haven’t gotten to see them having fun together or solving problems together as much as we should! If they fix this, I see potential for them to be in top 3

6. Twelve/Bill/nardol: another one where im so sorry they’re so low. Their vibe is iconic in every way and the only reason for the lower ranking is that the dynamic doesn’t compel you to dissect and analyze as much as the others

7. Eleven/amy/rory: I know they love each other and people love them but this chemistry simply did not work for me.

8. Eleven/clara: only watched like one episode of them and it was one episode too many

9. Ten and every actress RTD forcibly paired him with in those never ending specials because he couldn’t let go of David Tennant

[inismor]

also just caught up on the latest dunmeshi episodes today and im so happy to see more of kabru that guy is So Intriguing to me. keep in mind that i havent read the manga so i dont really know what his whole deal is yet but i Need to dissect him like a lab specimen under a microscope. which seems to be a very kabruesque thing to say in the first place. his impulse to Figure People Out is SO understandable to me literally girl same i dont think ive ever had a conversation without doing that in the background at all times. except that i really dislike when thats shown as proof that a connection isnt genuine? in kabrus case it *seems* to be portrayed as if him analyzing others puts him at a distance from them. reading between the lines like that is a lot like stepping outside of a game to watch it from a meta perspective and therefore close to looking at others as being "below" you, which is again really easy to push into cynicism territory but at the same time it just depends on how you frame it methinks. what is 'playing a persona' and 'calculating' to one can be 'curious' and 'observant' to another & it matters a LOT how the character themself sees it because it's up to them whether they make it genuine or machiavellian, without the action itself actually changing on the outside. this is Not a dunk on how kabru is written ofc just my thoughts about how acting friendly n laid back to get to see more of a person in an interaction can be both seen as manipulative OR considerate of their comfort in a conversation while still getting to know them. i think the line lies in the degree of how willing to sympathize the one doing the Figuring Out is. as in you probably wouldnt want to talk to someone knowing that theyre only doing it to pick your brain apart while staying completely emotionally uninvolved/judging you but if they simply were very dedicated to understanding you because they want to get to know you better it's SIGNIFICANTLY less creepy. then theres still the issue of distance and control because in both these cases the analyzing one puts themselves in a much less vulnerable position, but while maybe not The Healthiest Mindset for the person doing it i still believe it can make for a perfectly functional positive dynamic. from what ive seen so far kabru is fluid at reading between the lines, level-headed and generally friendly & open, but it's the kind of openness that puts you in control of an interaction just enough to avoid situations where you might become vulnerable, which goes very well with the level-headed thing. still im too early into the series to tell whether that's an actual thing or just my projections so take that as a bunch of my loose notes abt being a well adjusted human person that ive decided to share just for fun👍

[sakumasmut]

yuzuiba makes me want to dissect them under a microscope lately, big fan of them together so i've been wondering about a reader or someone who's in a relationship with them both. would be interesting to see their dynamics in bed ><

both would be rough in the bedroom, they would set aside their issues in the meantime for it but yuzuru being good w aftercare is a nice touch,, bathroom sex would also probably happen with them often

sorry for the slightly long ramble but i've been hornybrained about them lately eeek

also can i be cloudnon 🌨️??

welcome cloudnon! (had to squint to see if it was a hail or rain cloud)

tbh been thinking abt yuzuru lately so thinking about his relationships and dynamics with others is nice.

I’m generally neutral on them together, but I think the sexual tension would be off the charts if you were in between them. ibara definitely initiates first, in his usual pushy businessman personality, but it’s mostly to push yuzuru’s buttons. either way, yuzuru is quick to follow and provide his services, two pairs of hands on you to get you off twice as fast. getting spitroasted by them is a challenge, since both will thrust fast and hard if they so choose. yuzuru is usually gentle, but he’ll go rough to match with ibara.

I think both are good at aftercare, ibara is just more awkward about it. imagine yuzuru gently asking if you’re alright, while ibara wordlessly stands up to leave and grab you water.

[spicy-cleanness]

I am asking so hard about Gary King / The Editor because I have so many questions 👀

OKAY, OKAY X)

I just got the fixation on the editor for a moment and my brain start analysing

and my thoughts was like:

editor is 1) a guy who's bad because he can get profit of it 2) a guy who is very used to get all information from the computer and know everything about everyone and understand and control everyone with it

where should I put him 1) to make him the most distracted and confused (because I want him suffer because he is bad guy :)) 2) to see how he would act in circumstances where he don't have profit from being bad and can't use information technologies to control anything (because I want to see him in different circumstances because he is my little meow meow :))

post-apocalyptic place where electricity (and IT as well) is dead? perfect.

also there is problem with blue blood guys with white light from their eyes, and editor is blue-white so it's funny too

and it would be weird to put him in post-canon of the world's end without him meet gary. or at least not so funny.

and the dynamic "serious guy who is used to understand know and control everything vs silly guy whom nobody can understand or control" caught me

(I mean editor became obsessed with doctor in one moment because he didn't know who he is, "wtf this guy is" works for him)

Ed and "I want to dissect you under a microscope and understand the fuck is wrong with you" vs Gary and "hehe funny guy with white hair :>>"

and then turns out they're really cute and funny together at least in my head.

[dailyoyo]

thabk yoi a lot dailyoyo your brains are very compelling to me it kind of makes me want to study you like ants . i quote you all the time like i tell my friends " i stole this sentiment / headcanon from a deranged yoyo tumblr account " . you are aspirational really Truly we need more dailyoyos in the world i cant stop thinking about lawyer yoyo now .... also i beg for more dissecting of yoyo and mew dynamics if ur Into That . theuve always been really interesting to me but honestly like 4 pieces of canonexist in jsr ever so

VERY DELIGHTFUL ASK TO GET. i love to hear that i have had a net impact in making people get weirder. its so important to me. making the jsr fandom worse one post at a time <3

a lot of the way i post in here is inspired by both my friends but also some of the crazy bitches (affectionate) ive seen around over in the dragon ball z fandom in particular, but really i think ANYONE in the world no matter the fandom has the god-given right to tear characters apart with their teeth and make them fail as fuck and really really really sick in the head in ways they were probably not intended to be read as in canon. Everypony out there get eviler!!!!!!!!!!!! Now.

IM GLAD YOU LIKE LAWYER YOYO I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT TOO. hes fascinating to me in that like hes technically not a Bad Ending (MOST of that au technically isnt!) and yet objectively he is a worse outcome because in regular(paradox) canon theres an avenue for yoyo to heal and become less bastardous. because like he has genuine friends and positive interactions and reasons to Want to be more than a self serving shithead. and also hes 16 of course hes an asshole hes 16.

but with lawyer yoyo its like. Its too late. He grew up and he stayed like that and he does not care to change and he has no impetus to change. hes definitely living a safer and more comfortable life and he has much higher self-esteem but he is Staying dead inside. Like ok regular yoyo and lawyer yoyo are both mentally at the bottom of basically the same exact well but lawyer yoyo was like "fuck it" and built a house down there. do you get me

Oh fuck this post is getting so long and i havent even talked about mew and yoyo yet.

okay so liek. beat was yoyo's first proper Friend in the ggs (as opposed to "just tolerating him being around"). because beat kind of totally fell for yoyo's whole harmless schtick lmao. but mew was the first Real Friend in that she picked up on how much of a fake fuck yoyo was and decided to hang out with him anyway.

which. ADMITTEDLY. this was originally BECAUSE she was fascinated by yoyo being so insincere (for a while he was also really playing up the "ohoho i'm TOOOTALLY not a double agent" thing for shits and giggles even though he literally wasnt.). and as previously mentioned yoyo had a crush on her which is why he didnt realize mew could see right through him. honestly for a while he kind of thought he had totally had her under his thumb but the whole time mew was like "Awww hehe he thinks im only hanging out with him because of his manipulations, thats so cute ^_^" (<- DERANGED)

and in a way while they were already friends their friendship didnt Truly start until after yoyo confessed his love and was rejected. because like the whole thing was kind of a wakeup call for yoyo - mew had noticed his feelings all along and was waiting for him to say something Just to reject him, and like among normal people that would probably be a lot more hurtful but in that circumstance it was like... she'd outplayed him. easily. and he didn't even notice, but she's still here anyway. and she still wants to hang out with him even though she can tell the kind of person he is.

because the thing is like. mew may play up her innocence and naivety but she IS genuinely kind at heart. a lot of her strange desire to examine nasty people under a microscope is because of her desire to see the humanity in everyone, to understand Why people do the things they do. and she's not under any illusions that she can """Fix Him""", god knows she's not sure she can even "fix" herself, but she saw yoyo for what he was and could respect the survival mechanisms at play for what they were. (this is also why mew was so immediately like "idk Yoyo doesn't seem like that kind of person..." when the nt-3000 thing happened because. like. she Understood his modus operandi and that simply Wasn't It.)

and like when youre the kind of person who thinks that as soon as someone sees under your mask that they'll want you dead in a ditch, knowing someone who recognizes your mask and is just like "oh cool, i got one too" is kind of world-shaking. paradoxically them recognizing each others' insincerity makes them be a lot more sincere with each other.

Oh fuck this post long as hell. yoy

[thesnailtail]

m

m

j

!

;; MORE MORE JUMP!

;; oh where do i even start with them. i definitely don't have a favourite group and tis definitely not them. (/silly)

;; my "mmj is about effort" post says a lot about how i view them. they really are just a bunch of overworkers in a trench coat.

;; worse part is, they're all hypocrites about it. "haruka, you're not working at night again are you?!" "no. i hope you're not either?" "ha no." <- stayed up until two in the morning drawing something for mmj. yes that's how i view that one airi card side story.

;; they all have interesting dynamics with characters out with their groups as well!! not touching on certain ones or we'd be here for days.

;; 1-c trio is just wholesome!!! ichika and saki are the first people to treat her normally at school and haruka cares for them so much. they're the first people she lets herself get close to after retiring from asrun. sports fes should've been a haruka event anyway-

;; minori has a really interesting relationship with both the loudest and quietest character in the cast. tsukasa and her being the ultimate cheerleaders together! and then her and kanade's completely different energy levels compared to their incredibly similar goals? i want to dissect them and study them under a microscope /aff

;; airi and kohane having mutual complex emotions during the wedding event because of an and shizuku respectively is hilarious to me. i think their dynamic could be really fun to explore past that thought! two determined girls who for a period of time had no direction to put their determination.

;; shizuku's relationship with leo/need is fun to think about. first of all how she must have known them in childhood, second of all how she would have noticed them no longer coming over or shiho talking about them but never mentioning it because of her idol duties keeping her busy and third of all how she must love them so much. the ones who stay by her sister's side, who are now pursuing that dream with her.

;; i love MORE MORE JUMP! :D

[aworldforastage]

2023 Q1 Reading Recap

Writing up my thoughts on these 10 danmei titles (out of 15) that I read in the first three months of 2023.

相见欢/Joyful Reunion

天官赐福/Heaven Official’s Blessing

督主有病/Governor’s Illness

日落大道 /Sunset Boulevard

我成了虐文女主她亲哥/I Became the Older Brother of the Heroine in an Abusive Novel

魔尊他念念不忘/The Demon Venerable’s Wistful Desire

唇齿之戏/The Plays of Lips and Teeth

粉黛/Concealed and Blended: Fendai

妃嫔媵嫱/Fei Ping Ying Qiang

铜雀春深/Tong Que Chun Shen

(audiodrama cover art for Joyful Reunion, Governor's Illness, Sunset Boulevard)

I don't have a good reason for the cheesy song lyrics except that my mind was very preoccupied by Taylor Swift songs when I was writing this up ….

Famous titles: "I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined"

I finally got to four widely-recommended titles that has been sitting in my personal to-read-list for nearly a year. And honestly? Yeah, I think they are worth the hype.

相见欢/Joyful Reunion -- In a crumbling empire plagued by foreign threats and an impending succession crisis, young Duan Ling learns that he is the crown prince who needs to take on the burden of saving his nation. He eventually meets a love interest who gives him the exact type of warmth, strength, and security that he needs on this journey. Joyful Reunion stands out to me for a supporting cast that act like people who want to live and thrive in their society, not characters rounding out someone else's story. There are no chess masters who can see three steps ahead or control the entire board, but each party moving their own pieces end up creating a Gordian knot for the protagonist anyways. On top of all this, Duan Ling still manages a very satisfying coming-of-age arc.

天官赐福/Heaven Official’s Blessing -- No introduction needed of course. I'm not the biggest fan of Hualian, but MXTX, as usual, wins me over with a universe full of people, relationship dynamics, and themes that can stand up to dissection under a microscope: there is just SO MUCH going on. To me, TGCF is a story about power, self-concept (including moral values), love, and the sacrifices people make for them. It's very similar to MDZS in that it exposes systemic flaws in the world and society that remain (mostly) immutable, but still gives individual characters (mostly) happy endings, and arguably at the character-level it's a bit happier than MDZS … I think?

督主有病/Governor’s Illness -- On his first trip off the mountain at twelve, Xiahou Lian saves a young master around his own age from assassination and learns what it means to be born and raised in Qielan, a mysterious assassin organization. Everyone he knows is meant to eventually die for Qielan, but that little young master, the titular future Governor, gives him hope and faith in the potential of life. I have never met two characters who like each other so much who are so bad at getting together. This feels like an old-school wuxia story about sects, secrets, honor, and growth, but it's also a brutal deconstruction that highlights the dark side of this way of life, and the practical and psychological cost of wielding the power to kill.

日落大道 /Sunset Boulevard -- Zhang Jue breaks Chen Boqiao out of prison when the latter is framed for a crime. Chen Boqiao barely remembers them having attended the same high school, but Zhang Jue has been secretly in love with him for a decade. Ka Bi Qiu's writing style is smooth like fine silk; it elicits vivid imagery and emotions with deceptively simple language. I think its one relative weakness is that the plot feels very thin aside from the relationship arc, but its only around 160K words long and the relationship arc has earned a reputation as one of the most well-known "insecure one-sided secret pining" stories in all of danmei.

(audiodrama cover for I Became the Older Brother of the Heroine in an Abusive Novel, The Demon Venerable’s Wistful Desire)

Rebirth and Transmigration: "I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending"

I read four novels in this category, though the two I really like at the moment are straight-forward novel transmigration stories -- kinder treatment from a transmigrated "canon fodder" turns scary "boss" character into a puppy-like love interest.

我成了虐文女主她亲哥/I Became the Older Brother of the Heroine in an Abusive Novel -- Cannon fodder in palace intrigue novel tries to change his family's ending by befriending the "villain", who decides he'd like to be more than friends. It's soft and fluffy because the love interest never gets close to his supposed darker persona after the protagonists' intervention. I really enjoyed the part with them temporarily living in the palace as teenager, a very heartwarming process of kindness begetting kindness. The "hidden main plot" in the story is also very engaging.

魔尊他念念不忘/The Demon Venerable’s Wistful Desire -- Teen transmigrator ends up in the body of the boss's canon fodder nemesis in a Xianxia novel, and becomes very committed to avoiding or being nice to the future Demon Venerable. The original novel plot completely veers off track because the (future) Demon Venerable is now only interested in find his missing cultivation partner and dual-cultivating with him. There is a subplot about the hypocrisy of the so-called righteous sects, but this story is mostly a feel-good romantic comedy in the xianxia setting.

P. S. Is there some unwritten rule that novels in this genre must have very long titles???

(audiodrama cover art for The Plays of Lips and Teeth, and Concealed and Blended: Fendai)

Pleasant surprises: variations on familiar themes

Entertainment/celebrities: "The camera flashes make it look like a dream"

This genre often makes us think of idols, musicians, and actors, often A-lister who are secure in their fame and talent. This quarter I read two different takes with this setting:

唇齿之戏/The Plays of Lips and Teeth actually tracks very similar to other celebrity stories, in which the fame and talent of the main characters are never challenged. However, focusing on more specialized careers like that of a host/producer and a comedian/xiangsheng performer is a refreshing change; needing to worry about things like bosses and management makes their careers feel a bit more down-to-earth.

粉黛/Concealed and Blended: Fendai explores the intersection of artistry, identity, sexuality, and fame, also through a story about atypical individuals in the industry: a "cross-dressing" celebrity makeup artist and professional gamer-turned-actor. Both main characters are uncertain about their purpose and the personas they put on to stay in the industry, and it's a story about their personal growth as well as professional achievement.

Concubines and consorts: "But it dies, and it dies, and it dies a million little times"

The concubines, aka non-official spouses, are among the most widely vilified demographics in cnovels, even though they are often the most powerless people in that dynamic. They are given the spotlight in two HE stories I found this quarter. (Warning: the "husband" in both stories are intimate with other members of his harem.)

妃嫔媵嫱/Fei Ping Ying Qiang tries to do a realistic take on the male concubine, who needs to clear significant personal and political hurdles to stand next to his prince. The concubines, male and female, do not enter their marriages intending to become manipulative usurpers of the wife's affection, in a narrative that shows it's only human that they hope to have affection in their family and survive this life with dignity.

铜雀春深/Tong Que Chun Shen makes a protagonist out someone who would usually be a failed romantic rival. Contrasted with the reserved and stubborn foreign prince, its the character who does not guard his sexuality, who leans into his partner's expectations, and who does not come from noble origins or have the political capital to fully assert himself, who finally gets to have his feelings and dignity put in the spotlight.

[candyskiez]

Exactly three people have asked. Hello. You all have made a terrible mistake. (/lh)

I will say this is probably very biased to my own interpretation of ???% that I yell about with my friend a lot, so may not be the most accurate take in the world. But I'm gonna dissect ???% and Teru's dynamic under a microscope anyways, so. Prepare for potential inaccuracies, I'm just shaking them around here. Here's some incoherent bullet points. Maybe I will refine this later. Also for the sake of my sanity, I'm calling ???% Shigeo. Okay? Okay.

• Shigeo is shown to have a bit of a static view of people. If his initial impression of someone is good, they are Good. This will not change. His first memories of Ritsu are sweet and loving and gentle, so he refuses to see him as anything other than his little brother. His first impression of Tsumobi is good, so he holds onto that shred of kindness for years and nurtures it into a crush and then love, over the basic human respect she showed him when they were like. Five. And Reigen wasn't Perfect when they first met, so in Shigeo's eyes he's Bad. And Teru he's arguably the most obviously hating. He also has no room for nuance, because while Mob has had the opportunity to grow throughout the show, Shigeo has only been exposed to the absolute worst of people since he only gets to come out when Mob's in danger. He hasn't been able to grow. He's stuck in survival mode because Mob kind of trapped him there by repressing him.

• Teru is trapped in survival mode when we first see him. Teru cannot grow and see the good in people for a very long time. He has only been exposed to the worst in people.

• This black and white world view is also shown in Teru, although a different kind. For Shigeo, it's Good and Bad. For Teru it's Special and Worth Nothing. After losing to Mob, Teru's world view becomes Nobody Is Worth Anything, but Mob is kind.

• Teru's response to Mob being kind to him when it goes against his world view that everyone's out to get him, when it maybe suggests he's been wrong or too much, is to attack Mob brutally.

• Shigeo's response to people behaving outside of his perception of them is to either leave and go away from the sudden confusing emotions or attack. Shigeo's response to Teru not hating him like expected once he shows him what he's "really like" is to keep attacking and trying to show him that no, he isn't a moral paragon. Shigeo's response to Ritsu giving him unexpected kindness was to send him away. His response to Reigen was to fling him around. He cannot wrap his head around the idea of people being kind to him.

• Teru responds to seeing himself in Mob with trying to destroy the potential weakness. Shigeo tries to destroy anything and anyone that could weaken him from his goal. They both tried to get rid of "weaknesses", damaging their own connections which were what they both desperately wanted, out of fear of being used, cast aside, etc.

• The whole thing of that Shigeo vs Teru fight is that Teru is suddenly faced with who he used to be, reflected at him through the person he idolizes most. He's forced to grapple with the fact that the person he adores is flawed, that putting him on a pedestal is wrong and that his savior isn't a savior, he's just some guy who happened to be kind. And he's faced with the fact that being Good isn't some static thing. He realizes through these flaws that...he still cares about him. That hasn't changed. He's able to feel sympathy for him. And because Shigeo is so much like him, this is a realization that he's still stuck in that same world view, thats just become nobody's worth anything but Mob. And he finally breaks out of it.

• Teru is saved by realizing that Worthy and Unworthy aren't determined by anything. By seeing someone he loves so much being flawed, he finally realizes that you can be worthy with flaws. Because he still loves him even at his worst, even after seeing all he's been holding in, and he understands. He finally understands. He sees himself in Shigeo, and realizes that they're equals. They are the same. He finally casts aside the pedestal and is able to see everyone as equals.

• Shigeo is saved by Reigen breaking out of his assumption of him. He'd perceived Reigen as just Liar. No nuance. He lied, that is who he is. Reigen being genuine, showing Shigeo that things could CHANGE, is what saved him. Teru and Shigeo were both saved by the realization that the world isn't static. You're not either Worthy or Unworthy, in Teru's case. It's no longer "nobody is worth anything", but "everyone's inherently worth something, even if no one's special." And in Shigeo's case, people aren't either perfect or cruel and horrible.

• They both have black and white views of the people around them. They both have a mix of hero worship and resentment towards people in their life. What finally lets them be ready to heal is casting aside that black and white world view, realizing that things are complicated. Teru couldn't heal until he could realize that everyone's equal, and Shigeo couldn't heal until he realized that not everyone's out to get him and sometimes people can just ...care about him and not be perfect. Teru and Shigeo are both brought back by realizing people can change. That people can be flawed but still good.

• God!!! I will never get over how the end of Teru's character arc is the person he idolizes acting like HIM! Doing everything he did to him! And by seeing himself in the person he idolizes he can finally realize his flaws and he can finally realize the idea of flaws = worthless is wrong and unfair.

• And Shigeo realizing that someone can care about him too, not just Mob, even if they hurt him. By Reigen relating to him. By Reigen connecting to him. By seeing himself in Reigen.

• They both finally get the closure for a hurt that's been eating away at them for so long by seeing themself in someone else. Do you hear me. Do you h

This makes no sense I know but. I like them very much your honor. I swear this makes so much sense in my head but I'm too tired to fully explain. Dude it makes so much sense in my head.

(Don't tag this as reimob. Everything I say about Reigen and Mob or Shigeo is strictly platonic. 🔫)

Ask me about Teru and ???% similarities guys I don't bite I won't start destroying stuff I swear I will be so normal I will be so normal about this show. I am so normal over them. Guys I promise I will be so normal. Come closer.

[applefan28]

Hiya there! So um I'm a really big fan of your marshple content and I was just wondering, what are like some fun headcannons you have for marsh and apple? Like you can list however many you want, I'm just really curious! If you want specifics, what are some like nuerodiveregent and mental illness headcannons you have for them? (It's okay if you don't want to answer that last part, Just in case it sounds weird, Which I apologize for 0_0; ) Okay that's all, bye! :)

omg hi!!! that means a lot honestly :D well i have a lot of headcanons in general about them as separate individuals and as a dynamic so LOL. will give some quick ones under the read more

some random ones i can list off atm hm: - apple likes the taste of mint toothpaste but HATES mint ice cream. she has a lazy eye and poor-ish eyesight. comes from a Big family and was the middle child. early internet kid. music ranges from owl city to steely dan - marsh is a closet romantic and semi-closet magical girl enjoyer. had an angsty emo phase prior to ii and her walmart era. wee bit pretentious + snobbish about her music (pretty mainstream music lol). eyes are a golden roasted marshmallow brown when reflected under the sun. enjoys psychological horror past beyond being able to communiate differences/disagreements without walking on eggshells of hurting the other unintetionally especially with apple's extreme sensitivity, they would have some silly nagging moments to one another over the dumbest shit. mind you, marsh is a bit of a smart-ass snappy bitch that isnt afraid to speak her mind while apple has ""canonically"" ranted about youtube layout changes and will be an annoying lil shit for her own stances. such forces clashing without setting of the others' worries or spirals is very funny and cute to me :) also they cannot handle spiders in the mansion so either bow or dough handle em <3 apple will act like how she did with marsh and the dark in s2e6 hehe as for neurodivergences and the such, i dont have specifics aside from apple and marsh autism moment along with apple adhd + dyslexia moment (which to me, all feels obvious enough to think that). i just kinda have them with miscellanious symptoms because, yeah, i feel odd implementing it on them out in the open and just my own personal experiences with that sorta stuff. although i could sit here all day listing out what they experience(d), their mental states, thoughts, psyche, etc. because it is all sooo so intriguing and fun to put them under a microscope and dissect them :) if i had to say anything specific however... apple has a loooot of emotional dysregulation with some extreme b&w thinking. marshmallow will have some moments of depersonal/derealization and is full of anxiety. they both have a level of low self esteem but marsh's is in bad overthinking moments (kinda rare) whereas apple really just. doesnt like who she is and a lot of things about herself :( i think theyve also had their fair share of obssessive thinking + rumination thats mainly situational. once again though, marsh is on a lower level of it that has to be on a really bad day. apple on the other hand is extremely sensitive to the point its easily triggered. fun stuff :^)

[kinghamilton]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written, then pass it to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖 p.s. sorry if you've already done this, pls link me if you have!

That's so sweet of you to think of me 🥺💜💙

This isn't easy because a) memory is bad so I don't remember most of what are in my fics >.< b) I can't rank anything because I'm a mood writer and I associate moods to fics more than anything and c) I'm like you and once a fic is published I kinda want to forget it exists for a moment because I feel very self-conscious that a part of my brain is out there under a microscope for others to look at.

Since I can't rank, I will split in pairings:

Moments in time - Valewis

I remember writing that very first ficlet. I remember the absolute joy I felt seeing the words flow out of me again after five years of absolute writer's block. I remember sending it to the OG tumblr roscoe chat and being scared AF of what the besties would say. I pondered and pondered and encouraged by their words and by the proud feeling in my chest to feel ~ satisfied ~ again by something I'd written... I published it. And people were so nice and receptive and I felt more and more inspired day after day, week after week. I will never forget that evening where I wrote the very first ficlet of this collection. It means the world to me as a writer. That feeling? When you feel it again after years of chasing it? Intoxicating.

I love you, I'm sorry - Valewis

Very dear to my heart. It was born out of a 'what if' scenario inbetween two discussions in a private chat. Discussing Valtteri and his life and what he went through and his divorce... The divorce. 'What if' not Tiffany so soon after, but Lewis before. And then it unfolded from there. Some parts were harder to write, others came in so easy. These two, Lewis and Valtteri, they made me love writing again and dissecting their dynamics and reactions and emotions.... I could never thank the F1 fandom enough for putting me in the head space for this magic to happen. That fic is not always about right and pretty, but it felt real to me and I love it for that. And also to the ones who left comments chapter after chapter... Making me feel how they felt reading... That is priceless.

The gift of you - Sebchal

That was a squick prompt. I read it and I had these flashes. Bits and pieces and finally a reason to dive into Sebchal for real. Even if the whole story was very clear to me, it's not my usual range - I'd never written cnc, never knifeplay, or almost any other tags I put there actually - so the fic was a challenge. But I like how it came out. I like how Charles feels and goes through this whole experience. I love the dynamic and the trust and having to focus on senses and emotions so much to build the story. And getting to write about earnest trust. I loved writing about them and I want to write more Sebchal.

Sweeter than Heaven, Hotter than Hell - Stucky/Evanstan

Listen, in terms of writing, if I had to pick which fic I thought was the best written of all the ones I published, I think I'd go with this one. I remember that 80% of that fic was written in my old bathtub. It's a massive fic if you look at the word count but I think I had everything written in a week or two. That's how inspired I was. That's how much I wanted to parallel the relationship with these two pairings, that's how passionate I was about putting those four inside a same situation. It's porn with feelings with a second layer of more porn and feelings. If I had to keep only one fic to remain on my Ao3... This would probably be the last one standing.

I was broken before I met you - Evanstan

This was majorly out of character but at the time I didn't care. I still don't. I couldn't care less that they're not who they should be because that fic was cathartic to me. Readers have told me how much they've cried, how much the self loathing touched them, how all the anxiety crisis felt too real... And that's the best compliment I could get. That I managed to make it so raw and real. Because hating yourself and dealing with chronic panic and anxiety attacks isn't pretty, and making mistakes, hurting people and pushing people away, it's not pretty either. I wrote that fic at a moment I really, deeply needed to put out there everything that was eating me from the inside. For this reason, this fic means a lot to me.

[springatito-moved]

I think quite a bit about how Sap still stuck by Dream after the burning of the tower and giving away Mars to use as leverage... like, I wanna dissect the progression of their dynamic under a microscope.

AGUHGHH that hurts so much esp regarding doomsday bc it was tommy returning mars that made him realize he needed to fight against dream even tho he didnt really want to. tommy apologizing to him vs dream not even approaching him and then how it was tommy and dream who burned the tower together and tommy felt sorry and now theyre friends planning to kill dream like waht the fuck is happenining in this roleplay bro im crying

[mykedrop]

Finished Watching Dexter

Alright, so we finished watching Dexter tonight and I feel like talking about it a little. I’m not really sure what I want to talk about, but just in case I’ll put a spoiler warning in the tags. And also this sentence here stating clearly that I might definitely will talk about spoiler things regarding the Showtime American television series Dexter.

So after season 4, I lost interest in the show, pretty much exclusively because of Rita doing her impression of a bag of ketchup with a hole in it being thrown into a swimming pool. I knew it was coming. The surprise part of it was practically nonexistent. When it happened i sorta just went, “Aww.” It definitely made me feel as empty as a bag of ketchup with a hole in it though. But not in the intended way maybe. Especially after losing Lila too, the future of Dexter was not looking pretty. I mean so quite literally, because if they kept killing off the prettiest characters then, by definition, the show would look much less pretty by comparison.

The ladies of Dexter: 10/10. Jamie, Niki, Rita, Christine, Lila, Lumen, Hannah, Deb, Maria. Chef’s kiss. Rockstar Special Agent Lundy and Isaak Sirko too. Double chef’s kiss. I really liked the characters overall. It felt a little weird having a new “main” threat + sidekick every season, but I got used to it. Not all of them were particularly interesting, but it was still entertaining. I don’t have that much to complain about when it comes to the characters. Other than Lila and Rita kicking the bucket. I felt personally slighted by losing both of those characters.

I feel like what interested me the most was how the relationships changed as each episode came to a close. Someone finding out something they weren’t supposed to, someone on the edge of finding out some huge news, Dexter having to turn on the jets when the police were on the trail of his next kill, Dexter being on the back foot in some situations. A lot of my favorite moments came from the right before or the aftermath of an event. How characters behave and react around each other after new information comes to light. When Deb found out about Dexter was probably my favorite shift in dynamic. All of that really popped off to me. Loved the whole shabang (not the chips, but those are good too).

Lundy was a huge favorite of mine and having him around was awesome. Isaak Sirko super caught me off guard. I didn’t expect him to be a character I’d be interested in, but by the end of his stay I really liked his whole story. A lot of the others were fine, but Lundy and Isaak were especially good. One thing I gotta say something about, I never liked Quinn. I don’t know, just the way he sort of appeared in season 2 (3?), really threw me off. And since then I had an odd feeling about em. Don’t get me wrong, the man’s the prettiest son of a bitch on the force, but I could never really bring myself to actually like him. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I love Hannah. Straight up. Kind of like a Lila-lite, without the trying to kill the kids and frame a cop part. Second I saw her I said, “Yup, she’s the one. If she dies I’m boycotting the show.” The conversation that followed was totally nonsensical and irrelevant for the purposes of this write up. For the record, Ari’s favorite character, or characters were Dexter and Debra. I can’t actually choose a favorite. Can’t even narrow it down to two. Anyway, loved Hannah a lot. I guess I’m glad she made it to the end. Even if it wasn’t a picture perfect ending.

I have to say that after season 4, it took probably every episode after that to get me back in. And it still wasn’t all the way in either. Nothing really hit me. It was all sort of expected, and bracing for something 10 episodes before it happened kind of dampens the impact. But that’s on me. I still had a good time watching it, but without my SO here wanting to watch it, I probably would’ve taken a while to get back to it. I’m glad I watched it through though. The last episode though.

I don’t know what to think about the last episode. I really feel like they missed the mark with Debra. It didn’t hit me hard at all, and it didn’t really register with Ari either. It’s the sort of shock value that doesn’t have any really substance behind it, I think. The way it all panned out was poetic and beautiful and blah blah blah but it wasn’t very satisfying or sad or anything. Dexter doing the opposite of riding off into the sunset as well definitely felt weird. From being on a one track mind the whole season about Hannah and Harrison, believing he’s the only person who can protect Harrison and raise him the entire time after Rita was gone, to changing his mind in a span of about a few minutes, thinking that they’re better off without him. I’m not saying he’s wrong, I’m saying the realization felt too sudden, especially for Dexter. And sure maybe I missed some things along the way, I certainly didn’t put this show under a microscope. Nor do I want to. But from what I saw, it didn’t feel right. I don’t know if Dexter living a happily ever after life with a family in Argentina would have made me feel any more satisfied. Probably not, honestly. But it definitely didn’t have the feel of something like, Six Feet Under. I’m not underwhelmed, and I’m certainly not overwhelmed.

I’ve been on and off writing this post for like 3 hours. I kind of wanted to talk about Dexter’s character and how he changed over the course of the show, but I’ll leave that to someone who’s not only dissected the show top to bottom, but probably already made a YouTube video essay about it 3-4 years ago.

Final thoughts: I liked Dexter, I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who’s into the whole crime drama stuff, but if you’re into that stuff you’ve probably already seen it anyway. It won’t make my list of top 5 shows, which didn’t exist until just now, but I’ll still remember it well, even if only for the incredibly beautiful women and exceptionally cool men of the show.